She was a beautiful red bottom, a hard bodied vessel, with an uncontrolable taste for adventure. Inside of her the temperature was just right, her goodies taste of perfection; her whole motiff was to please. The thought of not being inside her makes me feel blue, I remember the afternoons of pizza, the late nights of ice cream, and the coziness of her cabin.
I remember one night we had to much wine, I asked my wife to join me in the Virgin's cabin for a movie. The thought of being inside the Virgin with my wife at the same time had me bursting with excitement.
As we sauntered up to this Virgin's cabin door, my heart began to race, the anticipation of devouring the gluten free banana muffin I had stashed in our fridge was to much to handle.
Ohh, you thought this was about to be the typing of a hot and steamy menage a trois didn't you? C'mon people, what does this look like? Fifty Shades of Chris? That doesn't even sound remotely appetizing.
This is my biased take on Virgin Cruise Lines and our voyage on the Valiant Lady this past April. Man what a trip, and what a hell of an experience Virgin offers to their sailors. From fresh water in your room daily, the exciting shows, the first class food cooked with the intention that any sensitivety or prefrence can indulge, and lets not forget...NO KIDS!!! I know if it is up to me we'll never sail on any other line ever again.
The journey really begins after the booking, you will download the virgin app, and follow the steps to create an account. Once an account is created you will be introduced to the cruise itinerary, your stateroom number, and emarkation time.
When you arrive at the cruise port in Miami Florida the parking situation is definitely hectic, there are not many signs, and if you are not early you will likely end up parking in garage C at the complete opposite end from Virgin's terminal port; be advised as you will pay anywhere from $175-$200 for parking up front in the garages.
Do yourself a favor before parking, drive right to the front of Virgin's terminal V and drop off your bags with the concierges, treat them well you would be suprised what these individuals remember (Note: On a Virgin cruise you are allowed to bring two (2) bottles of wine in your luggage per stateroom).
Once parking is found, you can catch a shuttle bus to Virgins terminal V, when you arrive you should only have your carry on to worry about since you dropped your checked bags off prior to parking; so proceed to the lines.
There will be lines created in a row of four, a Virgin representative will guide you to a line based on your arrival time slot.
(Note: If you are late, you will be guided to the next available slot. We saw a lot of people go through this and actually be irritated; simple solution. BE ON TIME!! if you embark at 1:00PM be there in line at 12:30PM).
From there it is a wait, but nothing major, Virgin's system for boarding is pretty streamlined. It really only gets hindered when certain patrons don't follow the clear procedures; example, some people will wait until they are literally at security and then go fully into their personal luggage to search for their passport. Maybe I'm cynical but I just believe people are inconciderate, we don't prepare in regard to those around us, we only care about ourselves. This is why for a lot of people something as menial as having their passport ready in hand--as an attempt to keep the boarding process operating smoothly for everyone--is something there is no regard for.
Once you get through the boarding process, you will walk through this glass hall way thingamajig, as you exit said thingamajig you enter what is a complete seperation from everything normal. You will be greeted by the ships hostess and a performer, they will be vibrant and fabulous; beautiful music and aura on deck 7 as your voyage comes to life. The elevators will take you to your respective cabin, upon getting up to your floor the crew will be there to guide you through your ladies halls. When you arrive at your room if you are lucky, your bags will have already arrived.
(My wife wrapped her wine bottles in blue plastic like she was smuggling bricks of cocaine on so we had to go claim her bag down at security.).
Once in your stateroom you will locate the tablet that is sitting on the desk. Utilize it to turn your TV on and proceed to watch the Muster Drill (Muster Drill: Pre-cruise safety video.).
Once the Muster Drill video is complete, you will have a ship location to visit on your app, visit said location and confirm Muster Drill has been watched. Once Muster Drill check-in is complete the fun officially starts; hit the bar and grab a drink.
At roughly 6:00PM the evening of night one to celebrate your disembarking, Virgin will offer free glasses of champagne for about twenty to thirty minutes on deck fifteen so make sure to drink up on Sir Richard Branson. Take the early stages of the voyage to really get to know the cast and crew through out the ship.
A: Because they are beautiful people from all walks of life and their journeys are fascinating to hear. B: Because, based on who's who and how well the rapport built is, cast and crew sometimes offer a ticket to a hidden show that happens on the ship.
These hidden shows will usually consist of about 10-15 lucky sailors and can be very interactive. Virgin is loaded with suprises and fun activities, live music radiates through out the ship, it is like being in a different realm.
Another great thing about Virgin is roughly 90% of the food on the ship is included, there is only a couple places where it costs for the goodies and it is mostly specialty coffees; Alcohol as well is not included.
The home base for all things edible on you lady will be the Galley, this is where you can eat roughly 24-7 while on your Voyage. There is no reservation required, the Galley is not a buffet style operation like most cruises. The Galley is a sit down, scan the QR code for a menu, and order kind of experience. In the Galley they offer a daily special, burger bar, breakfast bar, sushi bar, taco bar, dessert bar, salad bar, and pastry bar so eat up, it's all included in your cost of admission.
The restaurants require a reservation via app, but you can go directly to your restaurant of choice 8:30PM-Close and be seated as a walk-in. You can also have a conversation with a concierge at every restaurants entrance and get a reservation made for a future evening. The toughest restaurant to get into is Extra Virgin, they carry a heavy popularity and even at 8:30PM walking in is still tough; reserve Extra Virgin as soon as you can get into the app and do so. Extra Virgin is a quality Italian experience with bountiful dishes, rich wines, cheese plates, lobster, and more.
My personal favorite is the Wake steakhouse, it is a first class experience full of steaks, lamb, and chicken. They carry a great selection of Macallen Scotchs, Italian, and Chilean wines alike. They also have plenty of sides to go with their dishes, you can order them all if you want. The Wake also offers an awesome brunch earlier in the day, we enjoyed it; our real favorite for breakfast and brunch though is Razzle Dazzle.
Razzle Dazzle is a vibrant eatery carrying a design that derived from the war ships of World War 1.
Razzle Dazzle has an exceptional avocado toast, a smoked bacon that they manage to season and cook to perfection consistently. There is Beyond sausages, sauteed mushrooms, tots covered in cheese sauce, and that gluten free banana muffin I mentioned in the introduction.
Then there is The Pizza Place, 24-7 you can saunter on down in stretchy pants and grab a pizza. This is where you really start to put the weight on, The Pizza Place is simple. Walk-in, as you arrive at the counter ahead to order, notice to your left you can grab a salad. Delicious, loaded with jalapeños, chicken, olives, greek peppers, onions, and tomatoes. Or, a good ol fashioned Cesar.
These 12" round beauties come premade on the menu or you can go freestyle and tell them what you want on it from scratch; it's Virgin let your mind wander, if it seems interesting put it on the damn pizza.
These are just a few of the delicious amenities within your Lady's hull, utilize your app to see everything available in full. I don't want to spoil it all, I'm also just being lazy and don't feel like typing about everything; but let's just say I am not spoiling all the surprise.
In an attempt to combat the constant caloric intake you can utilize your Lady's fitness facility, a nice little setup, it does get tight in there around day three of the voyage when everyones guilt kicks in. You can also take an elevator ride up to deck seventeen and burn calories on the track, deck sixteen offers a little boxing ring and basketball court, and keep an eye out on your app as there is a dodgeball match a few times a week.
One of our favorite ways to burn calories and arguably the most fun is the VHS Workout that the legendary Coach Snead runs. It is a full on pedal to the metal eighties inspired workout, so bring your most eighties attire aboard; most importantly prepare to sweat. This workout consists of high intensity movements with a shake weight in a retro lit room engulfed in the hottest electronic dance music of the eighties.
On deck fifteen of your Lady you will find the pool, if you are one of those humans who finds laying stagnant in our stars solar radiation all day to be relaxing; get there early. The pool has plenty of seating but tends to fill up quick fast and in a hurry, ecspecially on sea days.
I don't dislike the pool, it is definitely small and half of it is only about a foot deep leaving only half of the pool available to submerse the body.
So for the most part I don't really go in, on sea days it can look like a sardine can with people stuffed in there shoulder to shoulder. My untapped gem is the showers, they expel crisp cool water and are scattered throughout your lady's deck fifteen. When I get to hot and could use a cool down I just jump in one of those and enjoy.
Virgin truly offers a unique experience, your mind has to be open to effectively enjoy everything she has to offer. Acceptance is first and foremost, Virgin demands every sailor and crew member be whole and true to their self.
Since the crew can't say it.
I will!
If you cannot handle the variety in an individual or a persons uniqeness, don't kill our vibe; sail with someone else. Virgin represents free speech, free self, and Virgin is a place where it is safe to wear lip stick regardless of how you identify. I know we can't wait to sail the Mediterranean on our Valiant Lady, maybe we'll see you there? If so, dont be afraid to yell, AHOY!
Christopher J. Roes
Biased, Author
Disclaimer: This article is 100% my own personal bias, I am in no way shape or form an affiliate of Virgin. I pay in full for every trip we take.
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