Ah, see? You thought you were going to read about Cocaine, that sniffy iffy banana fanna bo bliffy didn't you? Nope, the rich mans drug I'm typing about is sports card breaks. I'd utilize the brand terminology but I don't really know how blogging and the respective legalities behind it works. I originally titled this post "A Rich Humans Drug" as an attempt to be politically correct, honestly it just didn't sound good; so at the risk of being cancelled I chose to utilize "Man".
Anyway I'm getting off track. Yes! Sports card breaks, they are highly addictive and extremely expensive. A break is where a group of individuals pool their money together and purchase individual teams of their choice. Each teams price to break is determined by the quality of cards that can be pulled from that teams respective checklist. So a team with a high quality quarterback in his rookie year can go for big bucks.
A case of football cards can go for upwards of $20,000 if the product is of quality, hot, and of the right year. A case usually carries twelve (12) hobby boxes, each hobby box usually starts at about $900 for a flag ship product; so to buy the team of your choice in an attempt to "break" the card you desire, is more cost effective in the big scheme of things.
Cards vary from basic inserts all the way up to 1/1 shields. 1/1 shields are the holy grails, mojos, bangers, etc; you get where I'm going with it, the right 1/1 shield can possibly be sold and utilized to buy an investment property.
Breaking is an insane world to experience, a Wild Wild West essentially. Card Breaking is a world of excitement, hope, despair, and lots of fast money being spent. I utilize despair because if you get skunked on a big team (Skunked: When the team you are breaking offers not a single hit) well, despair is the best way to put it. Getting skunked on a big team could lead to over $1,000 down the tubes in an instant on a random fucking Tuesday afternoon. Excitement, because every time you see that post in the group that product is going to be broke there is this little, Yee! that happens inside. The best description of how I feel is a quote by Mark Wahlburg from the motion picture; The Other Guys.
"You feel that, Allen? Huh? That tingling in your balls? Big metal butterflies fluttering around your stomach?"
That is exactly how I describe the excitement associated with an upcoming break. Looking at the product checklist, choosing a solid team to break, and hitting the trigger on that team before anyone else can claim them.
(Checklist: A list containing each teams possible hits, you can view this on Google allowing you to have a better idea of what teams will offer what cards. The better a teams checklist, the more expensive they will likely be too break.).
Hope, well we all know how hope works, after the aforementioned execution of claiming a team hope begins it's push through the body. The anticipation of hitting a banger on the team you chose to break is hope in its perfect form, Cell three so to speak (Shout out to my DBZ fans). This hope is also the demise to our wallets as we continue to chase the hit, that 1/1 banger, break after break after break after break.
Which is exactly why I say fast money being spent, I can't tell you what actually happens in those moments when the addiction takes over. However, I can say I one hundred percent understand why 1-800-GAMBLER was created. It is almost like defaulting to auto pilot, some breakers will allow you to pay ahead for your already claimed team from the previous break allowing you to essentially own it until you choose to not break it.
I've personally fallen into this downward spiral breaking the Buffalo Bills when a certain product came out back in 2022. I broke them five times at $200 a break one night while hanging out on the couch having some Blue Label. A quality Scotch Whiskey, some extra money in the bank, I had tunnel vision.
I ended up only landing a 10/25 Josh Allen Blue Wave color match which has maybe a $400 value if he would get us a fucking Super Bowl win already. But, still no where near the value of the $1,000 I spent that night.
During my 2022 hiatus I was working under a very wealthy individual, honestly the man taught me a lot about money; I am disappointed in myself for letting him down. He gave me the tools I needed to be successful but my heart was just not into it, my usual work ethic did not thrive; I hope someday our paths will cross and we can share a Scotch.
This individual also introduced me to breaks; my downfall was I was breaking along side a person who is at the top of the financial totem pole.
between my inner child, joy for collecting cards and all things shiny, and the new found freedom of a hiatus; I was on a freight train to bankruptcy. Fortunately, I have always been able to pull myself out of addictive situations cold turkey. This ability is a huge reason why I did not end up getting addicted to crack when I took her for a test spin back in New Jersey some years earlier.
Anyway, the reality of breaks is unless you hit that banger in your first few breaks you will find that you will always be chasing the illusion of the million dollar card. You will also learn that when you finally do land a banger, it is never "thee" banger, and you'll never re-sell anything to break close to even on the money spent.
I do genuinely love breaking and ripping packs, when that aluminum splits and that new card scent leaks out the pack. Shooo, just thinking about it gives me a chubooch; (Chubooch: Italian slang term for chubby better known as a boner).
It really can be a fun experience for those who don't have addictive personalities; or for the individual with expendable income. I like to go to my local Walmart or Target and buy some retail packs, you can read which hangers offer the possibility to hit an auto and break those.
I get lucky now and again and hit a hanger banger, I also get to keep the addiction at bay only spending about $50 when I do it every couple weeks.
Like anything if you do it in moderation, safely, controlled, and are not jeopardizing yourself or those around you in any negative manner; I say go for it!
Disclaimer: While my blogging is meant to be fun and expressive, addiction is not a joke. If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction please reach out so together we can work to get you or them help.
Christopher J. Roes, author
Comments